Also, look, I'm aware the Fifty Shades franchise is garbage, problematic, and worst of all - poorly written! But, it's a tradition for my husband and me to enjoy these terrible little cinema nuggets for Valentine's Day, so shut up. ;)
Release: March 18, 2005
Production Company: Walt Disney Pictures
Director: Tim Fywell
My Rating: 4.5/10
Themes: Perseverance, Integrity, Popularity
Content or Trigger Warnings: Unrealistic, predictable sports themes
So, long story short a girl (Michelle Trachtenberg) with a moderate interest in skating but no real training decides to start learning how to skate after a physics assignment makes her see it could be something she really loves. In record time she goes from newbie to landing triples. Thrown in are pat attempts at conflict with a former cheater coach (Kim Cattrall) and a less than enthusiastic mom (Joan Cusack).
it's incredibly unrealistic, and the stuff of typical pre-teen Disney drama. Mom just doesn't understand. The cool girls just don't understand. But with a lot of hard work - and a upbeat pop montage - you too can be a champion (fill in the blank).
it was cute. Pre-teens would love it. Personally, I found the storyline boring and skippable. But I did enjoy the skating parts. Probably won't watch this one again.
Release: February 9, 2018
Rating: R
Production Company: Trigger Street Productions
Director: James Foley
My Rating: 2/10
Themes: Toxic relationships, controlling spouses
Content or Trigger Warnings: Sexual content, bad writing
Was it the worst of the trilogy? Well, no... Was it good? Well, no. Here's the thing. You know what you are getting into here. The books are garbage. The two preceding movies are garbage. This was always going to be garbage. But getting past that, there are a couple of things I noticed worth mentioning.
As the source material is really just a glorified Twilight fanfiction, and as fanfiction is notoriously light in compelling plot, but abundant with sexy daydreams, this is the first of the three where I could see they had to add material to the original to not only make a coherent plot but to make the 'conflict' believable'. Now, don't get me wrong. It was very, very close to the book. But there was a little more effort put into the 'Jack Hyde' narrative than leaving it until the last minute to crash together just for your Happy Ever After.
Something, too, that is a little tweaked is Christian Grey himself. While Dakota Johnson has done an admirable job working with less than quality material, Jamie Dornan has had to try to make a likable character from a male lead that is probably one of the most absurdly childish romantic leads in a long time. In the books, I never got the feeling that Christian Grey progressed that much. Yeah, yeah, he wanted a 'vanilla' relationship. He wanted to get married. Came around to having children. Blah, blah, blah. But was it ever any deeper than just being obsessed with out Mary Sue heroine? Never really felt like it. This movie, at least - with Dornan's help - seeks to show marked progression in Christian to the point that by the end, you figure he's relatively well adjusted - or as much as one can be who has only let people touch his chest for the last few months.
This one was less with the sexy details than before, but that's probably for the best. Those sex scenes have seemed forced in cinema-version from the beginning. All in all, it's the same as the others, no better or worse. If you get some little kick out of this guilty pleasure, you'll probably like this one okay too.
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